Train Rides can be Dangerous to your Health
by Dinette
Summary: Better hide the fishpond. The SD boys are here for the IH. (Oh and they're hungry too, so send the author money (please) and she can feed them (she needs the cash to buy food))
1. Train Rides can be Dangerous

Forewarded is forewarnded: I've been told that this is slightly confusing and this off-putting. Sorry. Anyway, you guys can have fun guessing, right? I'll give you a clue : Only Sakuragi refers to Akagi as 'Gori'.

Disclaimerish: Okay. They'll never belong to me. They belong…in the wild…to be free… where they belong. (Guess who just watched 'Spirit, Stallion of the Cimarron'…) BUT the topiary pig/bear and the fake cheer bear (Lazy bear) _do_ belong to me. Since they are about the only things I own, I shall glare at you very hard if you take them.   
  
  
  
  
**In a train, rushing along the coastal line…  
  
**

"Stop with the whistling already!"

"Well, I'm sorry, Mr. Grumpy. Waddya do, miss your carebear show?"

"…"

"My God, Mitsui. You watch care bears?"

"Wimp!"

"Cheer bear, you have to admit, is endearing."

"I'm not hearing this, I'm not hearing this…"

"Hey, Kogure, Gori's clutching his ears pretty tight. And his vein's popping. Isn't that bad for his health or something?"

"Err…"

"Kogure! Time!"

"9:45 am"

"Oh, shi…fu…crap! 3 and a ½ more hours with these idiots."

"Aw, c'mon Gori. We're intellectual company, we are. Right Ryo-chin?"

"Right on."

"Get. Your. Hand. Off. My. Shoulder. Sakuragi."

*****

"At last. The intellectually disabled company's asleep."

"Thank God."

"Yeah. The theme song of Cow and Chicken is _not_ meant to be whistled for 50 times in an hour."

"Hey, on the way to Ryonan he did 1000000 green bottles. And you weren't here yet, Miyagi."

"He couldn't even count backwards properly!"

"Oh _eww_! He's _drooling_ on me."

"Quit whining, Mitsui. You're not the one with Rukawa next to him…"

"Oh…right…Yuck."

"Don't worry Miyagi. I've come up with a solution."

"Whatever it is, hurry up. The pool's growing larger and I'm not getting any younger here…"

"All you have to do is…*drum roll please…*"

"HURRY UP! I'm drowning here!"

"Keep your skirts on…just wake him up."

"Mitsui…you haven't been doing drugs have you?"

"No…Sheesh, give some helpful advice…"

"Right. I told you all that coke couldn't be good for you."

"I had to. Have you seen the girl who serves it?"

"Ooh…Point. Let's order another."

"Just wake him up already!"

"Then you do it, smarty-pants!"

"Err…Okay…Oi. Hanamichi, wake up."

"ErkgrutSnrkpfftt…whatta he…"

"Wake Rukawa up."

"Are you sure this is safe, Mitsui?"

"Oh sure, you worry too much, Kogure."

"Oh…oh…hang on a sec…Ah. Okay."

"Yasuda! Why, you're a bloody genius!"

"Of course. Think of the millions we'd make…"

"Simply by selling videos of this."

"Akagi! _You_ can't possibly condone this madness!?"

"Well…we _are_ in need of funds…Ever since Hanamichi broke the hoop, trying to climb up and sit on it."

"Give it up and move over, Glasses-man. The Tensai is about to become a movie star."

"Wait a sec…we asked you to _wake_ him up, not get a *drink*…"

"Hehehe…"

"Woah, don't spill the water yet, you ass. You'll wet Miyagi too."

"Hehehe..."

"No…no…get him away from me. Now!"

"Calm down. Just think this as an experiment."

"In what, may I ask?"

"Err… in …the waterproofability of the Shohoku High school uniform? I'm pretty darn sure it is. Its so stiff."

"Mitsui? I think you just made him worse."

"And how would you know? You're just jealous of my unbelievable display of logic."

"He's swearing. A lot."

"Tsk tsk…Ryo-chin. What would Ayako think of your language?"

"Lucky, lucky, lucky Ayako. _She_ gets to ride her mum's car there. While I am stuck. Stuck with a bunch of idiots."

"Intellectual company."

"Wake him up already!"

"Okay…here goes…"

*Splosh*

"Akagi?"

"Yes, Kogure?"

"Why is Miyagi scrunching his face so badly with his mouth open but no words coming out?"

"It must be because Sakuragi used ice water. The only have ice water in the water filter."

"Ooh. I think you just froze his ass, Sakuragi…"

"You know what's worse?"

"Enlighten me. I've just had the lower part of my body put through torture."

"Rukawa's still snoring like a blessed pig."

"Maybe Lazy bear visited him. Get the bear's autograph, Mitsui!"

"Correction. Its Sleepy bear."

"Cukptbftupupukk"

"Oh dear, I think he's choking. Must be the water."

"Quick! CPR!"

"No, its Heimlich…or is it?" 

"Hehehe…"

"Careful with that, Sakuragi…"

"Hehehe…"

"Ow…that has gotta hurt…"

"For which one?"

"We warned him."

"*Sigh* Do'ahous."

"Are you getting all of this, Yasuda?"

*Beep…beep…*

"Thank God! It's our stop."

"You know, Akagi…"

"Not now. Get your luggage, everyone."

"But Akagi…"

"What is it, Mitsui? Don't jump around the station. Kainan's over there. You're embarrassing us."

"I really need to pee…"

"How many cans of coke, exactly, did you drink?"

"MYODB. This is urgent and serious business."

"Oh, yeah…*urgent* alright. Just think of waterfalls, gushing, flowing…"

"Oh, great. Nice going Sakuragi. He's headed for the bushes. Only they're decorations."

"Well, that topiary pig is quite nice."

"I think it's supposed to be a bear. Oh, quick, Yasuda! I can see Mitsui's behind!"

"Oh…damn."

"What."

"I forgot to put the tape in the camcorder."

**The very pointless End.******

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Got the hint yet? J

http://lazyyellow.fateback.com


	2. Hotel Fish are Fragile Creatures

_So.__ They got off the train. Now they've arrived at the hotel._

Title: Hotel Fish are Fragile Creatures  
Part:2/? (first part http://www.network54.com/Hide/Forum/message?forumid=13053&messageid=1024682026)  
Author: Dinette  
Rating: PG? PG13? G  
Author's Notes: Even worse than the last chapter, I've included less names.If you figure it out without a problem, I salute you.

Disclaimerish: Mine, all mine. WELL, I CAN DREAM, CAN'T I ?!?!

Even worse than the last chapter, I've included less names.If you figure it out without a problem, I salute you.

http://lazyyellow.fateback.com  stars_glow@hotmail.com

**The hotel at last.******

"Yay! It's our hotel!"

"I don't believe they don't have a swimming pool! I pronounce this place lousy."

"Don't be so spoilt, and Sakuragi don't bounce on the bed. You'll break it."

"ARE YOU SAYING THAT THE TENSAI'S FAT?"

"Of course. Do'ahou."

"I was asking the Gori, not some stupid brainless clumsy sly amateurish incompetent lazy Kitsune like you."

"Do'ahou."

"Kitsune!"

"Do'ahou."

"Kitsune!"

"Do'ahou."

"Kitsune!"

"Both of you stop that at once."

"Ayako! You arrived!"

"Thank God."

"Aya-chan……"

"Well, I'm off to my room. Its number 981, but don't come after me if its not an emergency."

"No…no…you can't go Ayako, *this* is an emergency. I'm stuck here with these idiots."

"Byyeee!"

"Oh well."

"I've never seen Akagi *quite* so desperate before."

"Well, he's never spent a whole day in our company before, with nothing to do other than talk."

"Aya-chan……"

"Miyagi, snap out of it. She's gone."

"Or would you like some ice water again…"

"Shut up Mitsui. Which reminds me, Sakuragi, I've never quite avenged myself yet."

"What are you doing to the tensai…what…wha…AHHHH!!!"

"Revenge is sweet eh, Miyagi?"

"Sure is."

"Well, let's all stop fighting and unpack. Three of you to one room, fight it out amongst yourselves who gets the couch. Here are the keys."

"Throw 'em to me Kogure! Throw them, throw them!

Whups. Sorry about that Gori."

"Gori?"

"What."

"I forgot to bring my soap."

"Oh."

"So I guess I won't bathe."

"Share with Miyagi or Mitsui. They're your roommates aren't they?"

"Miyagi forgot to bring his too. There's not enough to go around."

"Okay. I'm going out shopping for snacks as well. I'll buy the soap. Anything else anybody?"

"Me."

"Here."

"I need…"

"Hold it. Write it down on this list and…"

"WOULD YOU QUIT SHOVING MITSUI?"

"WELL I WOULD IF YOU'D LET ME HAVE THE PEN!"

"Its so boring."

"Wish we could have gone with Gori."

"Let's check out the rest of this place."

"Fine by me. Sakuragi, do you want to come?"

"Yes."

"Oh look, there's a pond."

"And there are *fishes* inside."

"Aww… they're so cute!"

"Oh aren't *you* the cutest little fishy…"

"Hanamichi?"

"Mmph?"

"I don't think fishes eat chips."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"But they're *salsa* chips."

"So?"

"Mr. Twinkles Salsa chips. Good anytime, anywhere."

"Oh god, Miyagi take a look at this fish. Its sooo smart."

"What's it doing?"

"Aww, its swimming upside down! Now isn't that clever."

"Aww…clever little bugger."

"I tell you, it was the salsa chips that made him smart."

"Whatever."

"Oh look, all the other fishes are doing it too!"

"Well, they're all pretty smart, In that case."

"Do'ahous. When fish swim upsidedown, they're dead."

"WARGH!"

"Don't ever creep up from behind of us again."

"Waitasec… what did you just say?"

"They're…*dead*."

"Oh man, Sakuragi, you are so evil. You just killed the fishes!"

"The cutest one! It's the deadest!"

"I'm horrified."

"But…but…I didn't *mean* to! I thought it was brain food!"

"What are we going to do…"

"RUN! The manager's coming."

"Oh shit, is he gone yet?"

"All clear."

"Well."

"Well."

"Well."

"Do'ahous"

"At least…we can still have fun with it…"

"How?"

"You'll see…"

"Well, I'm back."

"AUGH! AKAGI!"

"What!"

"YOU KILLED THE FISH!!!"

"What?!?"

"Look down."

"…"

*running footsteps*

"What is it? Did someone get hurt?"

"Miyagi! Why didcha scream so loud!"

"Gori killed the fish."

"Yes. They were taking a nap there and then he *stepped* on them."

"I did *not*!"

"Yes you did. See? The fish are dead, and you're still stepping on one."

"Where, where! Which foot?"

"The right one."

"Oh, Akagi, how *could* you."

"Now, Kogure, this is really too ridiculous…"

"You murderer."

"Kakuta? Et tu?"  à(you too?)

"Well, you did kill the fish…"

"Now this is preposterous. Fish don't nap! And how'd they get up here? Now, Rukawa. *You* tell me what happened."

*point point*

"Whhatt? Us? Nonsense!"

"Exactly! We deny all charges!"

"I didn't even go near the pond!"

"So they came from the pond."

"Wha..I didn't say that! Don't put words in people's mouths Gori!"

"Well…so thanks to the three of you, I shan't give you your items until after dinner… I leave you now to go take a bath."

"Mitsui…"

"I know!"

"They're all advancing on us!" 

"This. Is. All. Your. Fault. Sakuragi."

"No its not! Stupid Kitsune spilled the beans!"

"Ooo…do you three know how long I waited for Akagi to get my stuff?"

"Er, no?"

"CHARGE!"

"AIEEE!"

-End------Review(Please?)


	3. Fine Dining with Idiots

Do you know what? I'm laughing like mad. And the best part about it is...I don't know why.

Still no names. I like.

**Fine Dining with Idiots**

"Listen...the only food within this area...that is...hygenic...appears to be this hotel's restaurant. Now, can any of you tell me what that means?

"We...get to eat?"

"No! It means I expect only the best of behaviour from my team! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

"Don't be so vague...we're always on best behaviour anyway..."

"I mean, NO drooling, NO hyena laughter, NO shouting, NO fighting, and NO GOLDFISH."

"They weren't goldfish. And they only died 'cause *you* stepped on 'em."

"...all I'm asking is that you all SHUT UP and simply eat, and that goes especially for the three of you."

"Why isn't Rukawa included?"

"'Cause he never says anything anyway."

"Oh phooey."

"Everybody assemble in the restaurant in an hours time. Got that?"

**********

"AYAKOooo!!!"

"What?!"

"Hurry up! We're all waiting."

"Oh wait a bit. I can't decide which fan to bring."

"Ayako. Aren't they all the same?"

"No-o...not exactly."

"Well, they look the same to me!"

"Well, this one's called Cindy, and this one's Sally, and this one's Haruko, and this one's..."

"That one! Bring the Haruko one!"

"Whatever floats your boat, Sakuragi..."

******

"Where th' heck *are* they."

"Here! The lift got stuck."

"Yeh, Miyagi was wondering what the little red button..."

"With the words 'alarm'..."

"And he pressed it to see what it did..."

"So this loud thing began wailing..."

"And we all panicked..."

"And we ran around the lift..."

"And it stopped."

"Ok. I've stopped caring. So long as you're all here."

"Come to think of it, where's Mitsui?"

"He came down the last of all 'cause the lift was full."

"He couldn't have possibly lost his way, could he? It *is* a rather large hotel."

"Nah...I gave him a map of the place."

"So? The last time we gave him map to the zoo, he ended up in a cemetery!"

"Not this time. I wrote 'left' and 'right' on his hands."

"Oh...that was smart."

"Of course Ayako's always smart!"

"Miyagi and Aya-ko sit-ting in a tr-ee K-I-S-S-...wait...what comes next?"

"You really wanna know? S-H-U-T U-P."

"No, that's not right, Miyagi, *that* spells shut up. it's supposed to be...oh."

"Kogure, sometimes...just sometimes...you're too smart for your own good..."

Somewhere very far off...

"WAAHHH!!! THIS MAP SUCKS!!! I knew I shouldn't have washed my hands!"

***************

"The food's fantastic! Mitsui doesn't know what he's missing!"

"Mphsfsigsfsdfs..."

"I see Sakuragi's ordered his third bowl of ramen..."

"The greedy pig..."

"MSFWGJFSDO!!!"

"Oh yeah? Well MSFWGJFSDO!!! to you too!"

"SGE*phw*How DARE you!"

"How dare YOU"

"Hur?"

"I'm confused. What just happened?"

"Oh, easy. Sakuragi's accidently spit out his food on Akagi's head."

"Why?"

"Oh, I think he was trying to kill Miyagi when his food slipped out of his mouth."

"Its a perfectly normal mistake that could happen to anyone! Really, Gori! I swear! Ask Ayako!"

"Err...actually I'm not too sure of that..."

"Where's Mitsui when we need him!"

"HERE!"

"Mitsui what happened to you!"

"Yeah! We waited for so long! Did you get lost?"

"Of course not! Okay...maybe a little. Fine! I got lost!"

"As long as you're here that's fine."

"Right, now we can order dessert... ... ... ...or not. Doesn't anyone want dessert?"

"Sorry guys, I'm on a diet."

"Okay...so besides Ayako you guys are on a diet too?"

"I wanna Triple fudgie with ice cream 'an fudge an' ice cream an' fudge and chocolate sauce."

"Do they even *have* that?"

"Right, so one Triple fudgie with ice cream 'an fudge an' ice cream an' fudge and chocolate sauce. Anything else?"

"No-o...the waiter's giving us the evil eye..."

"Fine. Sakuragi? Gori? Can you hear me down there? Want any dessert?"

"Yes! Tensai would like an...OW triple IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I SWEAR fudgie..."

"Lemme guess. A triple fudgie with ice cream 'an fudge an' ice cream an' fudge and chocolate sauce?"

"Uh...Yeah!"

"Okay."

*****************

"Oo! I'm stuffed."

"I'm not! Gori ate my triple fudgie with ice cream 'an fudge an' ice cream an' fudge and chocolate sauce!"

"And it served you right too!"

"Aww....widdle Sakuragi's sulking..."

"..."

"You know, Rukawa, the poking-me-and-Mitsui-in-the-back-and-freaking-us-out thing is NOT a good thing."

"..."

"What?!"

"The manager recognises you."

"O-kay. Well I'm off."

"Me too."

"Miyagi wait...oh bother, he forgot to wipe his mouth after his triple fudgie with ice cream 'an fudge an' ice cream an' fudge and chocolate sauce"

"I WOULD BE OFF TOO IF GORI WOULD QUIT HEADLOCKING ME!!!"

(~Finis.)


End file.
